Classic misprints

 = latest updates

'Arrowhead' (Shrewton & Orcheston)

Selected proofreading mistakes from large-circulation newspapers

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
--------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
--------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
--------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
--------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
--------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
--------------------------
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
 

Holy Trinity Dilton Marsh Magazine

 
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Brown, our church warden, to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
--------------------------
Ladies are requested not to have children in the church kitchen.
--------------------------
For those who have children and don’t know it, we have a crèche in the crypt.
--------------------------
Bring & share church supper: Prayer and medication will follow.
--------------------------
The organist invites anyone who enjoys sinning to volunteer for the choir.
--------------------------
At the church meeting last week the rector spoke briefly and delighted the audience.
 

Horizon (Bramshaw, Landford and Plaitford)

Church notices

A talk on drugs will be given at the next Mothers' Union meeting. This will be followed by a bring and buy sale.
--------------------------
Don't miss the Young Wives' Victorian Evening next month. It will be a fun night and some of the women will wear clothes.
 

 News and Notes (Bodenham, Britford, Charlton All Saints, Nunton and Odstock)

Church notices that didn’t quite come out right...

The Men’s group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, wine and
dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
--------------------------
The minister is going on holiday next Saturday. Could all missionary boxes be handed into the vicarage by Friday evening, at the latest.
--------------------------
Ladies, when you have emptied the teapot, please stand upside down in the sink.

Parish of Harnham Magazine

Bulletin bloopers

We are delighted to announce that the youth group has raised almost £500 for drug abuse.
--------------------------
Correction: The following typo appeared in our last bulletin: 'Lunch will be gin at 12:15.' Please correct to read '12 noon.'
--------------------------
Any church member over 18 is welcome on our new lay ministry programme. It requires minimal training and time: just six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night.
--------------------------
The Seniors group will have a picnic on Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, and a sweet, all in a covered dish.
--------------------------
Remember the church jumble sale. We have a gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.
 

St Thomas Ensbury Park Parish Magazine

Selected parish magazine misprints

Bertha Belch, a missionary, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
--------------------------
Next Sunday's preacher can be found hanging on the notice board in the porch.
--------------------------
We are pleased to note that there has been a change of mind by the Housing Department regarding the name for the new Housing complex for the elderly. 'St Peter's Close' did seem somewhat inappropriate.
 

Tilshead Newsletter

God is good. The vicar is better
--------------------------
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
--------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
--------------------------
New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
--------------------------
Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
 

Classic misprints from around the world

Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
--------------------------
Fifth Sinday is Lent.
--------------------------
Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone it is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off- let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water-baptised on the table in the foyer.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'