Home truths

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Ensbury Park

Our parents taught us...

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I've just cleaned in here!"

RELIGION: "You'd better pray that'll come out of the carpet."

LOGIC (1): "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you're not coming to the shops with me."

LOGIC (2): "Because I said so, that's why."

CONTORTIONISM: "Just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

ANTICIPATION: "Just you wait till we get home!"

ESP: "Put a sweater on: do you think I don't know when you're cold?"

JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

Horizon (Bramshaw, Landford and Plaitford)

Being married to a woman who knows her Bible
When a man protested to his wife that wiping dishes was not a man's job, his wife simply replied "2 Kings 21:13," and handed him a tea towel. Later, he looked it up: "And I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it and turning it upside down."